Welcome to your Monster, Dr. Frankenstein
My buddy Tigg threw that Frankenstein line at me tonight while we were chatting outline and it actually made me laugh out loud. And I don’t even mean the fake “LOL” symbol - that real kind of laughter. Maybe this is a leftover phrase from 2003, completely overused at parties by Paris Hilton, but since I heard for the first time tonight, I chortled.
And I knew exactly what it meant for me.
Ever since my employer and I officially agreed that I’d move to San Francisco for four months, I’ve been looking for housing. On a recent work trip to San Fran, I assumed I’d pick up a sublet within the three extra days I stayed there. No problem.
Uh…it didn’t quite work out that way.
I flew back to Minneapolis with no apartment found and roughly one month before I moved there.
Gulp.
Sure I was a little worried, but using craigslist, I was sure something would turn up.
Nothing.
A few leads, but they didn’t pan out. This person didn’t want to rent for four months. That person didn’t want to rent to an out-of-towner. Or, by the time I responded to the ad, the place was already taken. How did I feel about having four roommates? Living under the 101 highway?
A full week passed.
I actually responded to a craigslist ad that very honestly stated: “There’s construction going on across the street from 7AM - 6PM every day including Saturday with no end in sight. You should know that before responding to this ad.”
I responded. I mean, how bad could the construction be? I guess I was feeling just that desperate. (Incidentally, Construction Site Apartment Landlord rejected me. So there’s that.)
Then a few more days passed.
On Wednesday of this week I was 11 days away from packing up my car and driving to San Francisco, and I didn’t have a place to live. Yes, yes…there’s always Residence Inn or a hotel. True. There were options. Yet, there exists a certain rigidity that in me surrounding this…a NEED to be settled, to have a home away from home nailed down. And it wasn’t working out the way I wanted.
Throughout this experience of imminent homelessness, I have witnessed this inner complaint: “Well, YES I wanted adventure - something to push my buttons and challenge my personal growth - but not like THIS. I didn’t want my adventure to start with me having no place to LIVE. I was thinking of you know…a really insightful lecture series or something.”
Now THAT sentiment…that’s LOL.
One of the things I hope to accomplish on my Warrior Walkabout (my new phrase) is to confront some of my shadows a little deeper, specifically the one that wants the world to be perfect and easy. The shadow in me that wants FOOD to be most important followed by COMFORT.
Yesterday I really articulated this fear with my friend Stephen. With his skillful guidance, I really owned that, yes, there were plenty of temporary solutions to my moving to San Francisco that did not involve me in a knife fight over a cardboard sleeping pallet with a street woman named “Willie.”
I owned that this was about my wanting to control something I could not control. Or rather - I could not control it to my complete, 100% satisfaction. I needed help from local friends to physically visit leads for me. I needed to trust their judgment. I needed to look a little harder and explore other options. Accept outcomes. I needed to let go of the way “it should work out.”
Ironically, about eight hours after Stephen and I talked about my fears and my shadow around this, I found confirmation that I now have a place to live in San Francisco - quite a lovely spot I believe. Haven’t seen it myself, but I’m trusting this will work out. One way or another.
I love the irony that I invited adventure into my life’s journey and then my first reaction was “Oh no…I didn’t want it like THAT.” Hoo boy, I’ve got some learnin’ to do.
Dr. Frankenstein? Welcome.