Ever since folks have learned of my impending traveling adventure, I’ve been asked the following (reasonable) questions:

“Where are you going?”
“When are you leaving?”

The answer to both questions is “I don’t know.” I explain that my house is for sale and that when it sells I can make firmer plans. Of course, the time of year I leave on this adventure may dictate where I go, so I can’t really answer the question ‘when are you leaving.’

To my abundant surprise, these answers are not sufficient.

“But surely you must have some idea when the house will sell.”

No, I really don’t.

“But if you were to guess, would you say you’re leaving in the late summer?”

I really don’t know.

“And you’ll probably go where, first?”

I don’t know.

“But you must have a list of places you’re going to go in the time off and you know, ROUGHLY, where you’re going to go when and where. At least the FIRST destination?”

At this point, if I tell the person I’m keen on visiting Italy, then I get a dozen questions on the time of year I’ll be visiting and for how long and staying where. So lately, I’ve stopped answering in any detail. I just shrug.

This, it turns out, can be maddening response, redoubling the questions.

Granted, some folks don’t mind not knowing what I’m doing and when. But it seems that about 40% of the people who ask questions really have a difficult time with not knowing when I’m leaving, when I’ll be back, and where I’ll go in the meantime.

“If you were to estimate the time you’ll be back in the twin cities…would you say roughly next Spring?”

ARRRRRGH.

I was expressing this frustration to my pal, Ann, really sharing confusion as to why friends grill me so hard. I was explaining that the feeling I get behind these questions is not excited interest in my travels, but something more desperate, something very unsatisfying to the questioner.

“Of course.” Ann told me. “Everyone needs answers, even when we don’t have them. It’s why we invented God.” (Ann’s not so much a believer in God or Goddess or Vishna or Buddha. Nevertheless she has a keen interest in studying religion and has taken multiple classes on the Bible. She’s rather fascinating that way.)

I pondered Ann’s sage observation: the need for answers. That really felt right, in my gut. Yes, that’s the sense I was getting. Friends who continued to push beyond my “I don’t know” responses really NEEDED something that I wasn’t providing. Maybe it’s security. Maybe it’s just a road map of what’s happening.

I hadn’t considered the possibility that this is just a bit upsetting and frightening for anyone other than my folks. I already knew it’s unsettling for them. A few weeks ago, Mom asked questions about the house being for sale, any showings, any progress in planning my travels.

After a minute or two of conversation she paused and said, “I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

“I know, Mom.” I said quietly.

“You have a good job and a nice house.”

“I know.”

“It’s fine for you to do this.” she said. “It’s your life. We just don’t understand.”

“I know, Mom, I know.”

I was very touched by this…her honesty, her struggling to support my path even if she’s not sure she believes.

We were quiet on the phone and I was relishing the fact that she only struggles because she loves me.

Then she said, “It’s not too late to take the house off the market, you know.”

So lately I’ve been wondering and pondering how this is difficult for friends, how they’re adjusting to this idea. Only one warrior brother has directly said to me, “I think you’re running away from something.” Bless his shy, Norwegian heart for speaking his truth. I know it was hard for him to say that much. He admitted he wasn’t sure he knew what I might be running from…he was just sharing his impression.

And I suspect that my refusal to whip out a Microsoft chart of intended cities, and foreign countries matched to specific dates probably looks like proof of a ‘running from’ situation.

Tuesday, the quote at the bottom of my Word-of-the-Day email also suggested some light on this arena:

“Tolerably early in life I discovered that one of the unpardonable sins, in
the eyes of most people, is for a man to presume to go about unlabeled.
The world regards such a person as the police do an unmuzzled dog, not
under proper control.” -Thomas Henry Huxley, biologist and writer
(1825-1895)

It’s funny, ’cause I don’t see this situation as all that ‘unmuzzled.’ I’ll have some money from the sale of my house. I’ll be staying indoors I won’t be sleeping in ditches. I’ll have a cell phone and email. So it’s not like I’m walking Into The Wild.

Is it that we’re so used to being labeled as Home Owner, Job Holder, Settled Down, etc. that anything out of the norm feels wild?

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 23rd, 2007 at 3:25 pm and is filed under Warrior. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.