One Day I Shall Soil You, Nemesis…One Day.
This is pretty humiliating to admit, but I must confess: I feel resentment towards the bath towels. Not a mild irritation, but a serious grievance. I seethe when I see them. And please let me be clear – there’s no punchline here. And while I’m exercising a quarter teaspoon of creative license, I really, really resent the towels.
Feel free to check out the pic at the end of this post to test if your first reaction is resentment. No? Huh. It’s possible that these inanimate objects have done nothing wrong, I guess. But I don’t like admitting that option because that means the only other probability is that it’s all on me.
I bought them a week before the house went on sale. These are the ‘Show Towels.’ They help make the bathroom look clean and inviting. They’re not even Guest Towels, because all guests are strictly forbidden from touching them.
The Show Towels have been showboating on that chrome bar, completely useless for about three weeks. My last call from the realty office requested a “walk-though in 10 minutes,” so my house must remain in a constant state of readiness. No daily-use towels ever grace the bar; they cower in the linen closet.
How many times have I turned around to dry my soaked hands and come upon the sparkling whitey-white of those Show Towels? At least four times a day. And each time, they mock me.
“Can’t use us, bub. Go get that frayed blue towel and wipe your grubby mitts on that.”
See? Attitude.
I suppose I’m projecting a bit on the Show Towels.
I’m finding it hard to live in a ready-to-show house. I’m a guest here. No, worse…a squatter. Every time I leave the house I erase all traces that I live: every morning my bed must be made, no dishes in the sink, every room’s garbage cans empty, surfaces dusted, counters spotless, clothes neatly folded, sinks sparkling clean. Same routine if I’m going to make a run to Target, or leave the house for 20 minutes to get some groceries.
Because you never know when a realtor is going to call with a “Can we pop in the house right now?”
So this round to you, Show Towels. But when the house sells, I’m going into the back yard and bury my hands in the dirt all the way up to my elbows. Then, I’m coming for you.
