So really, I was surprised I was surprised.

I knew the realtor was coming over to drop off brochures. I knew he had plans to drill a big fat sign in the front yard. And yet I was surprised.

Much of this journey is a constant barrage of surprises. I was genuinely surprised at how sad and scared I was to take family photos off the walls. (My Mom! My Dad!) I felt stunned at my ability to work for 15 hours a day on ‘house stuff,’ weekend after weekend. I continue to be amazed by the people who have blessed me on this journey, these initial steps.

When I told Brett Benson of my wild, ridiculous dream to spend months in Italy working on an organic farm he nodded casually and said, “I had a friend who did that. You should talk to him.” I could only stare at him with incredulity. Thank you, Universe.

The biggest surprise, I think for me, is that I am *choosing* change. No one is forcing this on me. I’m not kicking and screaming or sadly resigned to change some major aspect of my life. I’m actually choosing change. This is kinda huge for a man whose shadow mission includes these words: “worshipping food and comfort.” All the words in my shadow mission reflect ways of resisting change. Resisting being ‘more.’

Every now and then (like the moment I saw the FOR SALE signage) I stop and ask, ‘Why on earth am I doing this?’

I have a sweet little house. I am wealthy in friendships. I work three days a week with four days a week to pursue my passions. I am loved and I belong to a community. What the hell am I doing? What’s with this idea of taking a year off work and exploring?

Then I hear this little whispering voice echo words asked by the adventurer from the Iron John story: “Is there anything around here that a man ought not to do?”

The townspeople cowered as The King said, “There is a place where no one goes…”

For years, I was one of those townspeople. I watched the adventurer ride into town and said, “Cool. But that’s not me.”

Then I watched him ride out towards the forbidden forest and I said, “Huh. Looks interesting.” But I had taped back-to-back episodes of LOST, so I cruised home and devoured Oreos in front of my VCR. (Pre-TIVO.)

I am now an adventurer.

I am now the man asking, “Is there anything around here…?”

It terrifies me that I am the one asking this question. It delights me as well. For me, the answer is this: leap into the unknown. Leap into a life less structured and be okay with whatever comes up. Who will I be if I don’t have a job and cute house to label and identify me? Who will I be if I’m not sure where I’ll be in four months?

‘Let’s find out’ whispers the answer. Who is that voice? My first mentor, Ron Morris? A gifted magician, Pat Murphy? The soft warm voice of warrior-monk guru Dan McKee? Or Charles Shriner, a man who tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You’ve got it.”

The voice sounds like many men who have mentored and loved me. I can’t believe that I can actually write these words: many men have mentored and loved me.

Personally, I blame “having a mission” for this life upheaval. I do believe my life would be easier if I continued on the mission I had originally accepted pre-NWTA: catching every Law & Order marathon on TBS. (And I hope through these words you can see me grinning.)

Tonight there is a sign in my front yard. My house is for sale.

It dawns on me that there was – for many years – “a sign” in my yard, and it said: LIFE FOR SALE. If the signage were bigger, it might have also read: CURRENT OWNER IS AFRAID OF LIVING.

That sign is no longer out in the yard. The owner has decided to make it a life worth living.

Epilogue:

Today I had a horrible day at work. Trust me, it was horrible. I was incredibly stressed at work, stressed by the realtor, stressed by family and stressed by several key friendships.

On the way home I called two warriors to reschedule a meeting. They immediately agreed and said, “What do you need? What can I do?”

That started melting me.

When I arrived at home tonight, my stomach was still writhing in snakey coils. Yet I did not say, “God, I deserve a drink.” Or perhaps more familiar to me: “Boy, I deserve a French Silk pie.” Instead I said to myself, “Wow, that was a difficult, miserable day. I’m undone. I feel so jagged I think I need to meditate for a half hour.”

So I did.

Wow. I really am an adventurer. A seeker.

Another surprise.