Friends of mine – let’s call them Don and Dave (even though in the *real world* their names are Dave and Don) – decided on a holiday tradition that I absolutely must nip in the bud. First you must know this:
But they have made it their business to gift me at Christmas with a movie that they’ve purchased and hate. (They also buy me holiday peeps every year, but somehow this tradition is okay.) Christmas 2006, I unwrapped Suspect Zero. They bought it – and then heard such horrible things about the film that they didn’t even bother to watch it. They laughed when I opened it, eagerly explaining how liberating it was for them to unload this dreadful movie.
Um, yes. And Merry Christmas to you.
This tradition started a year ago when they offered me three Christmas gifts, but in a “Price Is Right” kind of deal, I had to either ACCEPT ALL THREE or get none. (Do you go through this kind of rigamarole for gifts from friends? Do you?) I knew one gift was the aforementioned peeps. I knew the second gift was most likely National Treasure, a movie they despised. You see, when I asked them (oh…six months before that year’s Christmas) if I could borrow National Treasure from their DVD collection, Don eagerly agreed on the condition that I never return the flick.
Well, I hated it too. Ugh. Bad movie. So once while visiting them, I snuck the movie into a box of their breakfast cereal. (Hmmm. The more I tell of this story, the more it sounds like, perhaps, I am the originator of this hijinks. But to get distracted by who-started-what would be missing the point: I want revenge.)
My goal is now to sneak Suspect Zero back into their house. This is made slightly more difficult by the fact that they now frisk me when I enter their home, fearing I’m secretly returning National Treasure. Wow, are they paranoid.
So I have decided to Trojan Horse their asses.
Tomorrow morning I’ll ring their front door and cheerfully gift them with a lovely frozen peanut butter pie in appreciation for…oh, I’ll think of something. Dave LOOOOOOOOOOOOVES frozen peanut butter pie. It seems rather cruel to use his favorite dessert against him. Well, I guess that’s just the kind of guy I am. I have to make sure I do this early in the day so they don’t invite me to enjoy a piece with them; I’ve got to be far away when they discover the pie is a sham.
Actually, I’m leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow, so this works out nicely.